hey there …. so, lately the Lord has brought me to a place where i feel so… vulnerable. i’ve been in such an awkward season in life..transitioning, i guess. i’ve missed spending time in His presence and have felt so distant from Jesus. i’ve prayed and waited and sought for answers, but no answers have come. just silence and no direction. having faith when He seems distant is humbling. it really, truly is. i have had my mind set for so many years that i must do something great and extrodinary for the God. i thought that i must be some sort of world-changer or someone who did something for Him that looked great. (otherwise, i’d just live a mediocere life.) why? what were my motives behind this? i’ve had so many big dreams, so many great plans and desires but slowly he has taken them from my hand. as i let go and surrender them to Him, i see how they fade away. those big dreams i once had, seem so selfish to me now. those desires i had, seem so distant. my eyes were focused on doing something for Him instead of simply abiding in Him. there should be only One thing that has my focus and that is Christ- He is the main thing. religion, church, bible studies, big dreams, mission trips….though they may be good, are not the main thing. Jesus Christ alone should have my heart. not all of these other things.

so now that i am in the place, where i feel like i have no idea what direction i am going in life and feel some-what restless, i know that i am secure. my discontented self wants so badly to do something- to go somewhere- to be somewhere else- to experience something new. but He gently whispers “be still..” He calls me to lay down all of my burdens and doubts and draws me away from all distractions and worries. He beckons me to know Him more because this is what is most important. i may never ever be a great missionary or do something great in the eyes of men and that is ok. who am i anyway? who am i to recieve His grace? to know that i have been freely forgiven, to know that His grace covers me completely…to know that in Christ, i have everything..to know that in Him alone, i am satisfied and saved. this is a beautiful thing!

i don’t want the things that are here on this earth to distract me from His love and who He is….He is so much better than all of this, friends. so much better..